Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 04, 2001

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Bad Blastocyst Was it BAD? Or just misunderstood? After hours at "Sal's Fertility Clinic N' Stuff"... A cleaning woman accidentally bumps a cabinet. ...and a petri dish falls on her head -- killing her instantly! BONK But surviving the incident, in the dish, is a tiny human blastocyst! The nation is outraged and baffled! The New York Bugle Blastocyst Kills Woman! 16-celled killer shows no remorse TELEGRAPH DEATH DISH A trial is scheduled, and the prosecution sets the stakes! Lawyer: If this blastocyst can be considered living... Then we seek the death penalty! The defense team works day and night to save the cell-mass. Man: It was an accident! Man #2: It was self-defense! Man #3: It would degrade human life to destroy a blastocyst! Scientists call for embryonic execution. Scientist: We could use the stem cells for our research. This cell cluster that took a life... ...can be used to save a life! But at the last moment, the defense saves the day! Man: The genetic test is in! Man #3: The blastocyst contains the DNA of a retarded person! It would be unethical to execute it! A happy ending! Scientist: But what about the loss to medical research? Man #2: Here! Experiment on this chimp! Man #3: That's ethical! NEXT The victorious blastocyst exists through its remaining days (three) in peace, and then is discarded in the wastepaper basket by the copy machine.