When It Stops Being A Coffee And Becomes An Abomination
From my many years of being a barista, I still remember my most obnoxious customer and the only drink he ever ordered.
Customer: “Venti, 152-degree, half-soy, half-lactaid Caramel Macchiato; 1½ pumps syrup, light foam, 1½ shots of espresso, with ½ a packet of ‘Sweet & Lo’ inside.”
He would bring out a thermometer to measure the drink’s temperature as soon as it was served and watch as the “Sweet & Lo” was poured to make sure it wasn’t the whole packet.
Customer: Taking a sip “This isn’t right. Remake it.”
Coworker: “Can I ask what you don’t like about it so I can try to adjust—”
Customer: “What I don’t like is that you didn’t follow my instructions exactly. Remake it.”
My poor coworkers would, of course, just follow the same instructions again and this jerk would make them remake it twice before he was happy. Every single time.
After a while, we realized a pattern where he would only do this song and dance when the female baristas served him. He always seemed to not need it remade when I or another male barista made and served the drink.
We all agreed that only the men would make his abomination of a drink from now on. We could actually see his disappointment when one of the guys brought out his drink and there was NOTHING wrong with it. He had to go find his weird misogynistic power play somewhere else.
If she was a drink it would be a creamy steamy chocolate infused with creme de cacao. Leaving the patron in a dazed trance with a hint of Arquiste’s Flor y Canto, wafting in the air causing uncontrollable drooling and tongue spasms.
dadthedawg 23 days ago
But she’s hot…..
Wilde Bill 23 days ago
More famous for licking donuts than singing.
Mediatech 23 days ago
I thought Ariana Grande was a river in South America.
oldpine52 23 days ago
You couldn’t prove it by me.
seanfear 23 days ago
LOL!
oldthang 23 days ago
I’ve never heard her, but I suppose she’s good.
blunebottle 23 days ago
Oh, wow, I learned something!
Yakety Sax 23 days ago
When It Stops Being A Coffee And Becomes An Abomination
From my many years of being a barista, I still remember my most obnoxious customer and the only drink he ever ordered.
Customer: “Venti, 152-degree, half-soy, half-lactaid Caramel Macchiato; 1½ pumps syrup, light foam, 1½ shots of espresso, with ½ a packet of ‘Sweet & Lo’ inside.”
He would bring out a thermometer to measure the drink’s temperature as soon as it was served and watch as the “Sweet & Lo” was poured to make sure it wasn’t the whole packet.
Customer: Taking a sip “This isn’t right. Remake it.”
Coworker: “Can I ask what you don’t like about it so I can try to adjust—”
Customer: “What I don’t like is that you didn’t follow my instructions exactly. Remake it.”
My poor coworkers would, of course, just follow the same instructions again and this jerk would make them remake it twice before he was happy. Every single time.
After a while, we realized a pattern where he would only do this song and dance when the female baristas served him. He always seemed to not need it remade when I or another male barista made and served the drink.
We all agreed that only the men would make his abomination of a drink from now on. We could actually see his disappointment when one of the guys brought out his drink and there was NOTHING wrong with it. He had to go find his weird misogynistic power play somewhere else.
youarentjackson 23 days ago
Loon’s response: “yes, and?”
Jayalexander 23 days ago
If she was a drink it would be a creamy steamy chocolate infused with creme de cacao. Leaving the patron in a dazed trance with a hint of Arquiste’s Flor y Canto, wafting in the air causing uncontrollable drooling and tongue spasms.
bobpickett1 23 days ago
you could have fooled me
Slowly, he turned... 23 days ago
I’ll have one anyway.
preacherman 23 days ago
Well, Ole Girl, get creative. Make an Ariana Grandes for Loon. Who knows. You might start a new taste sensation.
Saddenedby Premium Member 23 days ago
well then, how about a cafe aficionado with a whipped cream caramel drizzle?!
Lee26 Premium Member 23 days ago
I’ll take one, too. Altho I don’t think my wife would like it.
wirepunchr 23 days ago
Would she be (as used to be said) A cool drink of water?
Snolep 23 days ago
Kinda kills the joke by explaining it. Ariana Grande should have been the punchline IMO.
DaBump Premium Member 23 days ago
Or IS she?
timinwsac Premium Member 23 days ago
Does the drink come with a doughnut?
ladykat 23 days ago
She could be a special coffee.
comixbomix 23 days ago
Leave it to Loon to misspell “caffeinated”.
The Brooklyn Accent 23 days ago
“All right, then, get me a decapitated AlPacino.”
wildlandwaters 23 days ago
Maybe so…but ya gotta admit, it’d make a great name for a cuppa coffee!
KEA 22 days ago
It’s so hard to tell these days
bakana 19 days ago
And, Ariana isn’t even very “Grande”, being only 5 feet tall and built like a Pixie.
She’s more of a Tinkerbelle than a Grande.