Drabble by Kevin Fagan for September 18, 2017

Everything in the first panel is real, not so much in the rest.

I probably listened to traffic reports for six months before I realized that a “paint-scraper” and a “bumper-thumper” weren’t some kind of obscure road-maintenance machinery. “Fender-bender” I got, but the reporters felt compelled to mix it up.

“Got my spine. Got my orange crush.”

Try Atlanta. Almost every station (even public radio) carry traffic reports.

The Los Angeles “Spaghetti Bowl” exists.

http://pastmycurfew.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Freeway-Interchange.jpg

The interstates though Chicago have historic figure names. Kennedy (I-90), Eisenhower (I-290), Stevenson (I-55), etc Anyone not from the area will not know what the traffic reporters are talking about.

I was taking my grandson to school one morning and the traffic guy reported a fender bender near my house. It was my wife on her way to work.

The orange crush and el Toro ‘Y’ are in orange county, California. The spaghetti bowl is in Salt Lake City, Utah. Don’t know if the others are real.

D.C. has the Springfield Mixing Bowl and The Rock Creek Roller Coaster among others

If you aren’t a local, familiar with the local names for things, it’s hardly worth listening to traffic reports …but then that’s the joke here.

I grew up in the Chicago area and if you don’t know the highways by name you’ll never know what they’re talking about. I’ve lived all over the country and the same problem occurs any place big enough to have traffic reports and cute names for roads in the area. A handy shorthand for locals but very confusing for anyone new to an area.

FWIT — The El Toro Y and the Orange Crush are only about 10 miles apart as the crow flies. That means that on a normal traffic day, it will take you about 40-60 min. to cover that 10 miles.